Xavier Estrada, former referee and sports psychologist, and Joan Vives from the CAR of Sant Cugat agree: success is not winning, but living with defeat. They offer insights for athletes to learn to compete without letting the scoreboard dictate everything.
The High-Performance Centre of Sant Cugat del Vallès has focused on a pending issue in elite sports: managing defeat. Coinciding with the football World Cup final, psychologists from the CAR warn that the pressure to win can hinder performance if one does not learn to lose.
Emotional Management, Key at the CAR of Sant Cugat
Joan Vives Ribó, psychologist at the High-Performance Centre of Sant Cugat, distinguishes between wanting to win and feeling that it is mandatory. "Mental preparation involves combining the desire to do well and to win, not the obligation, with accepting that anything can happen," he explains. For Vives, when preparing an athlete to win, they must also be prepared to accept that they might lose.
Xavier Estrada, sports psychologist, former top division referee, and author of 'The Match You Don't See', sums it up: "Success is not winning. Success is living with winning and losing". Estrada criticises that society only values victory: "We have been taught that it seems only winning matters, and unfortunately, one wins very little and loses many times."
Beyond the Scoreboard: Valuing Performance
Beatriz Galilea, sports and performance psychologist, suggests not solely valuing the scoreboard. "Performance depends on you. The result also depends on the opponent and external variables," she points out. Galilea laments that so much emphasis is placed on winning and not on the performance, which is where the athlete can have an influence.
The way of discussing this reflects this bias. "We say someone has lost gold when they have actually won silver. They are the best second," Galilea exemplifies. Focusing solely on first place can undermine all previous preparation.
Permission to Feel Bad and Learn from Mistakes
After a defeat, Vives recommends not rushing the analysis. "We must give ourselves permission to feel bad and frustrated. Precisely because we give ourselves that permission, we know it is not the best time to draw conclusions." When emotional intensity decreases, the result can become useful information.
Estrada speaks of a symbolic mourning: "There is a loss because something that was an expectation has not been won." Therefore, he advocates allowing time to pass before reviewing mistakes and thinking about the next challenges.
Galilea also suggests reviewing the language used. "Sometimes it is not a defeat, it is a mistake. If we use the term mistake, our perspective is also different." Losing does not automatically generate learning: one must consider the mistake as part of the game and not as proof that we are not good enough.
The Role of Parents in Developmental Sports
In developmental sports, this process also depends on adults. "Parents need to accompany" asserts Galilea. Space must be given to frustration, but it should not determine future performance, and discussions should focus on effort and performance, not just the result.
For the psychologists at the CAR of Sant Cugat, a great victory also has its risks. "A great victory inflates expectations regarding future results," explains Vives. Therefore, one must return to preparing for competition with the desire to win, while again accepting that losing is a possibility.
The experts offer a practical guide for athletes at the CAR and any level: give oneself permission for frustration, analyse performance instead of the result, and understand that losing is not a failure, but part of the journey. In a centre like that of Sant Cugat, where future Olympians are trained, these lessons are as important as physical training.
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